It's Possible!

I finally had an ultrasound appointment, and the tech said that Baby looks like a girl!!!  She said she couldn't be 100% certain, but more than 90%.  I tried to not go in with high hopes.  For one thing, it's against Korean law to tell women before about 32 weeks what they are having.  I'm no Korean, and this is technically an American hospital, but there have been reports of hardcore ultrasound techs refusing to say, and I'm not keen enough to necessarily identify on my own, especially since it's only ever been a boy so far.  There have also been reports of being told wrong at the ultrasound here at this hospital, so I'm still afraid to fully embrace the idea for fear of disappointment at the birth.  But I'm getting excited nonetheless!  We didn't read the book on how to have a boy or a girl, but I looked up the theory online, and we tweaked things accordingly right around that time - so maybe we finally did it right!  Kyler was in preschool during the appointment, thankfully, so I only had Tristan, and he kept busy scribbling on my chart and disrobing his feet.

In other news, Hunter has been placed in the gifted program at his school.  I don't want to make a deal of it to him, because I've known way too many dysfunctional gifted people and it takes a lot more than smarts to function in life.  Hunter has a hard time getting out the door in the morning...  I told him last week that if he couldn't get downstairs for breakfast (all ready to go otherwise) by 7:00 he would have to spend the day (after school) in his room.  He did just that one day last week, so today when I reminded him of that, he was down by 7, and then had plenty of time to get to the bus.  After school we got him a new bus pass since he's lost his last one.  Baby steps!

Kyler enjoys preschool.  His teacher said the first week he wanted to talk the whole time and didn't get the idea of sitting and doing his little assignments, but he has since gotten in the gear. He pulled out his tooth that has been loose for some time while in preschool last week, and put it under his pillow once home.  He mentioned that the tooth fairy didn't come after all the next morning, so she snuck in when no one was looking after that and he got two bucks!  Whenever we go to the PX nowadays, he says he wants to buy some "junk food" - his words.  Shockingly, a dentist did a screening at the preschool and gave him a clean bill of health.

Interesting...

I saw this posted on Facebook by a friend and found it to be fascinating.  I have the same curiosity when reading such blogs (including some blogs of my friends), especially since in most ways I am a typical Mormon house wife, yet clearly my blog posts aren't so rosy and brimming with only sunshine.  I blog our reality, which truly we have a happy life and I love my role as homemaker, wife and mother, but when I look back on posts of my own that only list the happy details, it feels like the full picture is not accurate.  I imagine and hope that years down the road when we look back as a family (once I print them into books) we will all be able to laugh at our struggles with child rearing and family life, and that the boys will be wonderful men who are well adjusted and fulfilling their divine potential.

What I really like is to check out this blog occasionally.  Truly I could roll on the floor laughing, and this is at least partly why I don't blog (act, talk, etc.) like is parodied on the blog!  It is so right on target, down to the spelling and grammar.  Whoever is behind it is a genius, and what are we if we can't laugh at ourselves?!

In other news, there isn't much, ha ha.  At my last OB appointment the doc tried to see what kind of baby I'm carrying, but Baby was too busy crossing legs and putting hips back to tell.  At the end of the month we'll try again at the next appointment.  We're also going to have to stop calling Tristan "Baby".  He has had the croup since Sunday night (poor Baby!), but after taking him to the doctor and dosing him up with some steriods, I actually got several hours of sleep last night, and so did he.  The previous two nights he spent coughing up his lungs.  No fun.

Kyler started preschool a couple of weeks ago for the first time, and has loved it so far, although today he demanded to know why it is three hours long (three days a week).  I'm not sure why.  It is a hassle to have to drive him all the way to the base, then, by the time I get back home, rush back two hours later to pick him up.  But the three hours of quietude are worth it, I suppose.  He had been on the waiting list all school year, and finally made it in.  Of course he is the oldest and biggest kid there.  Hunter is up to his usual antics.  He has been saying for a while that he wants to be an engineer, so I talked about math and science, and he then wondered what job he could have that would involve reading, since he enjoys reading so much.  I suggested publishing and editing.  At least he didn't ask how he could make a career out of playing video games.

Darling Hubby is still in San Antonio.  Captains Career Course is a lot of work with lots of papers to write and presentations to prepare and give, then the classmates want to go out on the weekends and booze it up, so he got to drive drunks home once last weekend.  He is itching to come "home", but still has nearly 8 weeks to go.  I'm trying to keep my sanity while he's gone, and not eat too much chocolate, ha ha.  I'm attempting to make a t-shirt quilt out of his old t-shirts.  There are many different ways to go about it, and I chose one.  I've never made any sort of quilt or blanket so this is a first.  It's got a couple of flaws already that I can't really fix, but not being a perfectionist, it's OK with me, and hopefully he won't notice.

What did I do

to deserve this?  I often ask myself this question when I'm dealing with my children.  Sounds loving and motherly, huh?  Anyone who has spent much time with my children, especially when they are together, has seen how typical and rambunctious and wild and crazy they are.  The modern fix is to give their boy-ness a name and medicate them  into more subdued behavior, or throw them in front of evil flickering machines (i.e. TV and electronic games) all day, or put them in "school" starting at age three (or 6 weeks), or make the family life revolve around driving them to activities, (instead of revolving around the marriage, which should be the most important relationship in the home) etc., none of which is acceptable to me.  I do understand that they are boys, and that if we lived in more primitive times they would be spending the day tearing things apart (the earth for farming), killing appropriately (food for dinner, skins for many uses), running and screaming joyfully (outside where it doesn't bother Mother), and enjoying and exploring all that the world has to offer.  Instead, we live in an urban setting, cooped up inside most of the time (since it's winter), with three wild boys who live to act out their primal urges and energy, which translates into tearing the house apart around the clock and constant screaming.

Of course I always envisioned myself raising quiet, well-mannered girls who would delight in learning the things I enjoy, particularly homemaking skills such as baking or sewing.  Instead, I keep having boys who could have been raised in the barn and not have any worse habits and manners than they display now (despite being told daily for years that their shirt is not a napkin, "please use the napkin in front of you", for example).  I hate to even spend much time thinking about what this next baby might be.  I don't want to feel disappointment if it is yet another boy, because how could I not be excited for any baby we are blessed with?  And some day, they will be all grown up and won't be trying my patience every waking moment.  I've heard older women whose children have long since been raised admonish young mothers (I hardly feel young any more) to not "wish away their childhoods", yet that is exactly what I often do, such as today when I was touch up painting all over the house because they have grimed it up so much in the six months we've lived here.   In my imagination, girls aren't so filthy

Anyway, with Dean being gone for the next couple of months (he's been gone 8 days now), I've decided to take the bull by the horns and get their most egregious behaviors under control.  I even have a "manual" by which to do it.  I started reading it two times, but couldn't ever get Darling Husband to read it with me, and all the authority figures need to be on the same page and do the same things in order to make it work.  Alas, he finally read it while traveling to the U.S. and is sending it back to me, so that I can finish reading it.  I have started with some things already (I have read a few of his other books, and did read part of this one), and am seeing improvement already, but we have a long way to go.

1.  It's always a huge pain to get Kyler to buckle up in the car.  I would tell him repeatedly to buckle up, he would ignore me and bounce around doing as he pleased.  I even slammed on the brakes a couple of times (at low speed with no cars around) to throw him  into the seat back in front of him.  He didn't like it at all, but it still didn't bother him enough to ever buckle up without the saga.  I once heard an idiot psychologist say that with children "repetition repetition repetition" is the key.  How wrong he is, and how worthless that advice.  Once I implemented the new method, I no longer have to remind (beg, plead, order, demand - all to no avail) Kyler to buckle up - the monkey is off my back.  He often does it on his own now, which is vastly better than never doing it.  Now, if after a reasonable amount of time he hasn't buckled up on his own, I simply inform him that he will be spending an hour in his room.  So far he has spent two or three hours in there (in one-hour increments on separate occasions), and doesn't like it one bit, but he knows he is in the wrong.  The monkey is on his back.  It's working.  Repetition never worked.  On a naturally well-behaved kid it might, but that's apparently not what I breed.

2.  "I wanna sit by Daddy!!!" with an ensuing screaming match and cat fight - at every meal.  I finally got smart and let them choose who would sit by Daddy every day for breakfast (Hunter), and who would every day for dinner (Kyler).  If I have to hear about it, neither one sits by Daddy.  How's that for being a mean mommy?  It's working.  I rarely hear about it.

3.  "I wanna sit in the front!!!" with ensuing screaming match and cat fight - ad nauseum.  And you might wonder why I am not loving every second I spend with them.  Again, we decided who would sit in the "front" (the middle seat of the van) for the trip "there" - happens to be Kyler, and who would sit in the front for the trip "home" - happens to be Hunter.  They have to be separated to prevent fighting.  If I have to hear about who is sitting where, they both sit in the back, separated of course.  Problem solved.

4.  I asked them to do their chores on Saturday.  They ignored me and did nothing.  I did not nag, plead, bribe, etc.  Sunday, they got to spend the day in their rooms, except .for when we went to church.  I had a pleasant day, and Monday morning when I told them to do their chores, they did.  It's working.

5. The screaming.  Constant screaming, primarily from Kyler.  Although Tristan seems to be following in his brothers' footsteps in that he doesn't talk (he's 18 months now).  He says "uh oh", and occasionally says "Mommy" or "Daddy", but I'm not sure if that's because he's calling us or because those are the most commonly screamed words around here.  So he screams all day.  It's getting worse by the day, and has only really started in the last couple of weeks.  He screamed some in church yesterday.  Kyler's screaming frays my nerves and literally causes me ear pain.  His screaming is more or less innocent in that it is when he is "playing" (i.e. running around the house like he alone is a herd of wild hyenas), or just like many little kids screams instead of talking normally (so that he can never hear anyone but himself) but it hurts my ears and my psyche none the less.  Hunter isn't around as much since he's in school, but he loves to scream when he is.  When we had the cookie exchange, Hunter came along and screamed something and one of the ladies jumped out of her skin and actually got after him because it hurt her ears.  I was so glad she did that!  It tells me I'm not crazy - the screaming is painful and must stop, and the more people reinforcing that to the children the better.  So, taking a cue from John Rosemond, I informed Kyler that from now on, when he needs to scream, he may go to the bathroom, close the door, go to the far corner, and feel free to scream his brains out for 15 minutes.  So whenever he screams for whatever reason, he goes to the bathroom (which of course he doesn't want to) and is free to scream all he wants.  Surprise, though (not for me, actually), the last thing he generally does is scream in there.  He is confined for 15 minutes to think about not screaming.  It is working.  The screaming is much less. 

6.  This could go on forever.  Whenever I run errands with the boys, and that includes the eight-year old, I have to spend the whole time beckoning them to me.  They don't just follow me into the store, or stay by my side.  I literally must redirect them every few seconds, as though I was herding cats.  I finally realized that that was ridiculous.  Again, the monkey was on my back.  I informed Kyler that he would be spending an hour in his room for every time that I had to call him to me.  You'll never guess.  Instead of lagging behind a mile, or straying constantly, he stays with me.  It's a miracle.  So far I think he's only spent an hour in his room for that one.  The monkey is on his back, and he's making the change.  That's the whole point of all this.  I cannot change their attitudes or behavior.  My efforts are to give them enough reason to change themselves.  As J.R. says, "a well behaved child is a happy child" - and I might add that such children have happier mothers.

There are too many behaviors to list them all, but I'm seeing an improvement.  Hunter still has the 6:30 bed time, and likely will through the school year, because he still doesn't care enough to do his homework without being told, and I still find socks hidden all over the house, etc. etc. etc.  But at least I have pleasant evenings now (instead of having the equivalent of a pack of coyotes running loose in the house until all hours).  I generally send Kyler to bed then as well, and Tristan if he's ready. 

Hopefully Dean will notice a great improvement in two months.

Yes, we did

- celebrate Christmas, that is.  I didn't manage to take (m)any pictures, though.  I hosted a cookie exchange that was loads of fun.  We enjoyed going to see a huge model train display at a hotel.  It had everything, including a Nativity scene,

 presents,

 a wall o' Santas,

  a huge, beautiful Christmas tree,

 and the ginormous display of trains that went around and around.  The boys all loved it.

 Since I was driving (we've reverted to our normal driving situation, meaning I drive), we parked in the lady parking.

Over the month we also hit a couple of tree lighting ceremonies on the base, one of which even served Chili - score for me not having to come up with dinner!  We also reading stories from a Christmas book that my mom gave us.

 Then we found a little mandu (dumpling - kind of like potstickers, but steamed) restaurant.  We thought the kids would be excited since they love mandu, but it was actually a mandu stew restaurant, and Hunter whined the whole time and wouldn't eat because the mandu was "too juicy".  Then we headed over to city hall to look at the fabulous outdoor Christmas lights.  It sure was cold, but that didn't stop people from ice skating.

 On Christmas Eve, our dear friends Spence and Rachel came over to be festive with us.  Rachel brought a delicious holiday bread, we drank hot chocolate, played Christmas games, and read from Luke 2.  The boys even put on matching pajamas when it was time for them to go to bed.

Normally they dress for bed more like this.

On Christmas day the boys slept until after 6, then we all got up and opened presents, after which I went back to bed.  I was tired after staying up late wrapping!  It was lovely as always, and we're getting everything put away.  We stayed up with the older boys on New Year's Eve and all drank sparkling cider at midnight.  I love the holidays, but it is a relief when it's all over.

Dean left for San Antonio, TX on Jan 2, so we're missing him.  He first went to Albuquerque for a couple of days to adjust to the time difference and get the car, then drove from there.  He has started the captains' career course, and will be gone for about 10 weeks.  I'm working on getting some behaviors under control (from the little people) while he's gone, and hopefully finally getting organized and getting the house fully set up.  I went to the "self help" center on base and borrowed a drill and bit to put holes in our cement walls and finally hang more pictures.  For some reason we do have a few sheet rock walls, but now we're really getting somewhere.

Toilet Fish

 I have failed to post several outings we have had with Captain Cho, Dean's preceptor (or is Dean his preceptor?  I can't keep it straight, but he's a veterinarian) in the Korean army.  He is super nice and we love sight seeing with him, and his wife when she's not at work.  He and Dean had the same day off during the week before Christmas, so we went to the Co-ex mall with him and saw the aquarium, including this two-headed turtle. 

 

 The aquarium was creative and made little aquariums out of everything they could think of. 

 There are fish in each of these pictures - coke machine, kimchi pots, toilet, appliances, and many more items not pictured.

 Look close - the fish are swimming around.

 I always get a kick out of the parking folks who are dressed like this.  Captain Cho wondered why I would take a picture of this guy - it's so common place here to have the parking helpers (ladies included) dressed up like this.

 Across the street from this mall is a Buddhist Temple.  It was free, and frankly I prefer to see stuff like this over aquariums that cost a fortune.

 This is a view while passing under this building which is on stilts (or columns or whatever).

These are tombs or head stones or something along those lines, memorials to high ranking monks.

There was a lantern festival recently, and these hanging lanterns were lovely.  The apartment building in the background is really high end.  Captain Cho said the units go for about five million dollars a piece.  Yikes!

 

 We ate at Jackie Chan's restaurant in the mall for lunch.  It was yummy!

All for Nothing

I called my mom one morning last week to say "hi" and see what was up.  She casually mentioned something about "...after Grandma died".  "What?!"  I said, as this was news to me.  My grandmothers were 96 and 93, so it could have been either one, and I hadn't heard anything about anyone being sick.  Apparently Grandma Merrill had been sick with pneumonia, and after a few days in the hospital and a few miserable days at home, she died on 12/22/10.  She and my grandpa lived two blocks down the road from us in little Ramah, and she was always full of compliments and hilarious anecdotes.  It is always sad to lose someone we love, but after living a long and full life, and knowing what we do about what is after this life, it is also peaceful to know that all is well now and she no longer has to be miserable.  Both my grandfathers died when I was a senior in high school.

I last saw her this past summer in Ramah while I was there for a couple of weeks.  One day I went to Gallup with Ronelle and her mom while there, and while we were in the grocery store, low and behold my grandma walked in by herself and grabbed a cart and was ready to shop!  I was stunned.  At home she wore oxygen, and Aunt Sharon is very protective of her and would always hold her by the arm when she walked.  She didn't wear oxygen out of the house, and didn't use a walker or anything.  I asked her if she needed help or anything, and she insisted that she didn't.  She said holding on to the cart was all she needed.  She was there to get fixin's for chili, as Uncle Eddie was going to be coming through Ramah and had requested some.  She rode the van with the senior citizens from Ramah.  She makes the best chili - and I finally got the recipe out of her, woo hoo!  (ground or diced pork or beef - she prefers pork, El Pato sauce in the yellow can, and green chile - who knew it was so easy?)

So, I decided that we only regret what we don't do, and I'd always feel a little bad if I didn't try to go to the funeral, so I got a "compassion" fare ticket to go to the funeral, alone.  Dean has much of the week off work for the holidays, and I found gracious people to watch the boys on the two days he would work.  I certainly didn't want to spend $5000 to bring the whole herd, and that would sure mess up their sleep schedules and be torturous for me (once again) on the plane.  So, Dean took me to the airport today and I tried to check in, but alas, there was no ticket, even though I had an email with the confirmation number and itinerary.  They put me on the phone with someone at United, who said my ticket had apparently been canceled today, but he couldn't see why, and the flight was completely full, so the next available flight was 24 hours later.  If I took that, I would miss the funeral, and have to turn around and come home so soon (since Dean is leaving for the US one week from today) that I decided there wasn't any point.  That was the best flight of all that I had looked up when I made the arrangements, and probably any other flights were full as well, so I found the subway and came home. 


That, by the way, is no small feat for me.  I finally rode (and consequently figured out) the subway alone for the first time on Friday.  I feel so accomplished.  I was afraid that by the time I left here I still wouldn't be proficient in it.  It's easy enough to go with someone who knows what he or she is doing, but a far different thing to do myself.  The hard part was trying to get through the walk-through gate in our housing village.  It is not manned, so it has double doors and you slide your ID card through a slot to get through the first one, then put your finger on a scanner to get through the second one.  However, there is not enough time to get through the door and get your finger on the scanner on a good day, and certainly not when dragging a child or a piece of luggage, and I had a big suitcase.  So it had me exit the first door to try again (because I wasn't fast enough).  I thought I would outsmart the system and leave my suitcase in there.  But, it thought someone was still in there, so it wouldn't let either side open.  Ugh.  Some guys were trying to leave through the gate, but couldn't since it wouldn't open, so they went and got some MPs..... long story..... the MPs finally had to wait for someone from the main post to come, and I was starting to get frost bite, even with a hat, warm gloves, a scarf, and of course a coat.  So I walked around to the main gate and left my suitcase in there, admonishing the MPs not to blow it up (you know, an abandoned package).  They said they'd bring it to me when they got it out.  They did, hooray!  And I rewarded them with cookies.  Dean is happy for me to be here. 

Today . . .

I continued my new habit of reading the Book of Mormon before getting up.  I rarely want to get up in the morning, but have to have breakfast ready by 7 for Hunter on school days, and I nearly always have a hot breakfast on those days.  So, I've learned to justify lounging in bed a little longer if I do it while reading.  It is infinitely more beneficial than what I've otherwise done my whole life, which is wait until I'm drifting off to sleep and try to cram in a few verses that I can't remember afterward.  I actually had a hard time putting it down this morning (I finished it recently and am well into 1 Nephi again), but had to get going about 6:55, which was plenty of time for oatmeal with coconut milk and honey.

I spent the day "helping" Kyler clean his room.  It took all day (it was that bad) but it was rewarding.  Now the hard part - keeping it that way.  Dean usually goes upstairs to tuck them in bed, but tonight I forced myself, in part to see that nothing was left on the floor, and to close his pj drawer.

We didn't leave the house today, so Tristan got to take a full nap.  After his initial grouchiness upon waking three hours later, he was a delight all evening.  He played a "game" with me, in which he would scamper to the kitchen, climb the stool, and bring me two fists full of items from the bucket o' baby - pacifiers, two ounce bottles, bottle caps, etc.

It was hard to stop in Kyler's room, because we were so close to truly being done.  I finally stopped and thought I'd make some butternut squash soup from a recipe book at nearly 6:00, when we generally have dinner, but alas there was not enough time when I read how long it would take to cook the peeled/chopped squash chunks, so Dean had a T-bone that I had already started just for him, and the boys and I had Huevos Becky.  It was all good, and done quickly.   

As I search for recipes online this evening and keep running across delectable-sounding turkey recipes, I only feel a slight twinge of guilt for the remains of two turkeys that I finally had to throw out last week, from the two Thanksgiving dinners we had (which Dean had pulled the meat off of and put in the fridge for me).  I had made a point of buying big turkeys (and there are no grocery store gimmicks here to get them cheap) so that I'd get the most for my money (they all have about the same carcass - the heavier they are, the more meat they have).  We had leftover turkey a couple of times, but sure didn't go through it all.  Oh, well.

Darling Husband and I did the dishes together, which didn't take long at all, and he is always good company.  I'm forever trying to develop the habits recommended by the Fly Lady.  I made the bed yesterday and today; yay for me and for baby steps.

I have been thinking about cookies and finding the best ones to make for a cookie exchange next week, and thinking about having Christmas dinner on Sunday for our Home Teaching group, and thinking what to make for the cubscout bake sale this Saturday, and making something for Hunter's class party on Friday, and possibly doing story time at the library tomorrow morning - which means coming up with a book/craft/snack.  Oh, dear.  I almost never stay up late for such reasons, though.  It will get done, somehow, and done better on enough sleep.

Stirrup the Rabble

I had my first OB appointment yesterday.  We thought, based on dates, that I was 16 weeks along, but the OB did a simple ultrasound and said Baby was measuring more like 14 weeks.  We are thrilled that we are finally experiencing some fertility, now that we are 30 somethings.  I conceived shortly after weaning Tristan.  Fortunately, I didn't have to take any children along to the appointment.  This is the sort of thing they like to do in an exam room.  I'll update more when there is more to tell. 

 Dean is leaving for San Antonio after the first of the year for 10 weeks, plus travel and Albuquerque time.  I can't wait for that blessed experience.  He's hoping to bring back his beloved - Pancho.  I'm not sure where he's going to go in the apartment...  I sure have missed his messes and squawking and giant poop-crusted ugly cage.

 We had signed up to have some family pictures taken here in our village this morning, only to show up and find nothing.  I looked up the flake of a photographer on facebook and apparently she's moved back to Virginia.

Today the high was forecasted to be 28 degrees, so we thought we'd do something indoors for entertainment.  We visited the 63 Building for the first time.  It was pretty overrated, or at least when taking along our brood.  We lunched on Korean food, some fried sweet potato balls, and fancy ice cream, then paid nearly $50 to see an Imax movie of some paleontologists and a few dinosaur scenes in 3-D.  When it was over a Korean lady sitting in front of us scolded us.  We have no idea what she said, but she was certainly angry.  Perhaps she didn't care for Kyler's constant chattering (he couldn't get the English headset to work for him, operator error I'm sure), or perhaps she wasn't fond of getting kicked in the head by Tristan a couple of times.  I slept through about half of it.  There's a "Seaworld", an art gallery, a scenic view from the top, and more, but no military discount.  Dean and I decided there's not much point in going back unless it's without the children.  Each of the venues costs about as much as the Imax (which wasn't any better than watching the Discovery channel at home for an hour). 

 I did take advantage of some of the Christmas scenes they had, since the children were all "gussied up", as my grandmother would say.

Hemophilia Hunter has had a black or multi-colored eye for a few weeks.  Kyler "snorkeled" him on the forehead just above his left eyebrow so, naturallly, Hunter proceeded to bite Kyler's forehead.  The lump lasted a week or so, then the pooled blood drained down to his eyelid and has been an array of colors from purple to green to yellow, etc. as it is slowly resorbed.  Kyler's bite mark was gone in no time.  

 It was naptime for the Trist-man, so he was Mr. Grumpy for much of the outing.  He's been a snot factory of late and hasn't had an appetite since yesterday. 

 Kyler is angelic as always.

 Their saving grace is that they are cute. 

Monkey see, monkey do!

The Doctor Said

I know most homemaker-type bloggers only post about how wonderful their perfect children are, and I'm happy for them, but I believe in the real deal, so you get the nitty gritty here, and everyone can feel much better about their darling angels after reading about ours.  It is also therapeutic for me to "get it out", and it will help me remember "what it's like" to have young children at home. 

Hunter Pants (as he is affectionately known around here) has become disorganized and unmotivated to the point of really being a problem.  I got an email last week from the bus system reminding me that riding the bus is a privilege and his privilege is in question because his bus pass has been lost (he had supposedly found it by the time I got the email, but hadn't been showing it when he gets on the bus).  Today I got an email from his teacher wondering where some paperwork was  that she had sent home for him to be tested for the gifted program.  We had promptly filled it out and instructed him to put it in his backpack, which he obviously hadn't done since it never made it back to his teacher.  I looked around and found it in the coat closet.  He has been getting in trouble with his teacher for not getting his homework signed off at home. 

When he "cleans" his bedroom, he merely stuffs his clothes/toys/books/etc. into nooks and crannies, or kicks them into Kyler's room, or strings them up and down the hall, or maybe tosses them into Tristan's crib, which is in his room, or throws them on the other side of his bed...  He walks in the door every day after school and kicks his shoes off where ever he happens to be standing when he decides to take them off.  He shoves his socks between couch cushions, in cupboards, under rugs, anywhere out of immediate sight.  He tries to wear the same clothes to school every day because he "can't find" anything else (clean, folded laundry that I give him has the same fate as listed above).  It is my opinion that children (not toddlers, obviously) should keep their own rooms clean.  How else are they going to learn good habits in life?  It nauseates me to hear stories of missionaries living in abject filth, or girls going off to college not knowing how to do anything domestic (cook, clean, nothing).

So, due in part to my own life-long bad habits, and due mostly to the children's penchant for making messes where ever they go, then walking away, our house is generally a mess.  I hate it.  I also believe, again, that the children should be responsible for cleaning up after themselves around the house, but of course that is like pulling teeth.  Dean occasionally will make a remark, but mostly understands the overwhelming nature of the situation.  If I only had to clean up after the two of us...  And no, I don't believe Dean should have to do much of anything around the house (beyond the obvious, especially since we don't have home repairs or yard work these days), though he does help out.  He slaves at work all day every day, and doesn't ask me to come in and file papers or whatever; the home front is my specialty and domain.  I've been seriously considering hiring a housekeeper, which is the trend here, to come in once a week.  I may do it yet, but primarily believe that we need to develop good habits and keep up with the work ourselves.  I feel the money could be better used in a mission or college or retirement or house fund, or for date nights.  We'll see. 

Yesterday during church, Hunter's breath was so bad (he claimed he had brushed his teeth twice, but that has been an issue forever as well) that I gave him half a stick of gum.  When the sacrament was coming around, he wanted the gum wrapper to put the gum back in.  The new half was still in the paper.  I told him to tuck the gum up in his cheek.  Instead, I watched him fling it on the floor when he thought I wasn't looking.  I just didn't do that sort of thing when I was a kid.  It is beyond me that at eight years old he still acts like he doesn't have a clue in life and really couldn't care less.  During church, he can't seem to stop yakking, and often stands up for no reason, or will yawn, stretch and sigh, or fight with Kyler, or otherwise behave boorishly.  He went up to the stand to bear his testimony and had to wait his turn.  He proceeded to bounce around from chair to chair, and to lift himself up on the chairs and grin at us.  You get the idea.  Dean and I are losing our marbles over this kid.  It's funny, because he gets such accolades where ever he goes.  He was one of only two children to bear his testimony yesterday, and the only one to do it without any help.  So of course people are impressed by him (especially his grandmothers, who think he walks on water), which is fine.  But living with the boy is certainly trying on my psyche.  He's been wearing tennis shoes to church because he can't find both of his dress shoes at the same time. 

I have had the rule for years that TV and electronic games of any kind are a privilege to be enjoyed by those with good behavior and clean bedrooms/bathrooms.  Alas, I usually don't have the will to trudge upstairs and check his or Kyler's quarters, so I foolishly take their word for it when they tell me all is clean, and I let them sit in front of an evil flickering machine.  Then when I finally do make it upstairs, their rooms are as usual, or all I have to do is open a closet to have an avalanche of crap come tumbling down.  We've taken away privileges and toys and evil flickering machines, yada yada, but we don't seem to be getting anywhere.  He tunes us out more and more when we ask him to do things (like his chores) or simple things around the house (like "put these important papers in your backpack and give them to your teacher", or "put your shoes on the shelf" on a daily basis).

So, I looked up John Rosemond's newspaper column here to see what he has had to say lately.  I found my answer.  Hunter isn't "nasty" to us generally, although in the last month or so he has said some particularly obnoxious things to Dean ("I hate your guts" and something along the lines of "I wish you were dead"), which is odd because the boys all worship the ground Dean walks on, and of course these statements were particularly offensive to Dean.  I believe those two occasions were after Dean denied him playing games on his iPhone.  I had Dean read the piece, and he was on board, so at dinner we explained to Hunter that we had discussed his issues with "the Doctor", who was very concerned that Hunter was clearly not getting enough sleep...  So, when he shapes up and the monkey is off our backs, we'll know he is caught up on his sleep, and can resume a normal bedtime.  All privileges are suspended in the mean time as well.  Like J.R. says, we didn't get to this point overnight, so it may take months, but something has got to give.  He doesn't poop his pants, fortunately, but he does have a terrible habit now years in the making of eating his snot, which is abominable.  Nothing has worked to nix that, so we're hoping this will be cured as well.  It is on his list of necessary improvements.

In all reality, he probably is sleep deprived.  We have an 8:00 bed time, but by the time they torment us (demand food because they are suddenly "starving"), fool around, bounce on the bed, then Hunter reads in bed, he's often not asleep until after 9:00.  He frequently falls asleep when we drive around, and occasionally around the house.  For now, we will employ the 6:30 bed time, though I let him have the lights on until 7.  Here's hoping for improvement!

Giving Thanks

We were able to host six missionaries for Thanksgiving Dinner this year, which was delightful.  There were two sets of elders and one set of sisters, including a Korean elder and sister, who both spoke English as well.  The sister even speaks Chinese and has had occasion to use it on her mission.  They were most appreciative and, while they love Korean food, were thrilled to have a traditional American Thanksgiving meal - a first for the Koreans, who had never had Turkey or cheesecake.  They arrived in time to help with the finishing touches of the meal (peeling potatoes and setting the table), and one elder carved the turkey.  The Korean elder spotted Dean's Tapatios Hot Sauce (Mexican) and put some on his food.  We had an extra bottle and gave it to him, and it turned out to be his birthday.

They gave us thank-you cards while they were here, sang Angels We Have Heard on High to us in Korean, and even helped with the dishes.  The American sister brought a Thanksgiving craft and did it with the boys.  It was a Native American headdress in which they were able to write what they were thankful for on each of the paper feathers.  One elder comes from a family of six brothers and two sisters.  I marveled at how his mother had accomplished such a feat, particularly managing so many boys.  He said he does wish he could go back and be more obedient to her.  That gives me hope that my boys may turn out after all.  On a day-to-day basis, I often wonder... 

 One of the elders is on the Cornell football team.  Ultimately, this is why I have children.  I hope that they will grow up to be such decent, wonderful people as these elders and sisters.  We all went around the table and said what we were most thankful for.  For me, it has to be that we are all here together as a family.  Indeed, we are blessed!

 The day after Thanksgiving we decided to check out the children's portion of the Korea National Museum. 

 Most of it was in Hangul (Korean).  I would be curious to know what this sign says.

 Earlier in the week we were able to participate in a pottery making activity for Dean's unit.  Tristan was the star of the show, as usual.  This lady is an officer in the Korean Army.

 It's always amazing to watch a master potter at work.  He did most of it, so that our pieces will actually be nice.  Kyler didn't want to throw a pot on the wheel, surprisingly.  Sometimes he has a shy streak.

 There's no point in putting anything in the lower drawers around here.  They are the Trist-man's domain.

 Dean had to go to work in his dress uniform recently, to be inspected in preparation for the Christmas ball at the end of this week.

 

Head Carefulness

We had Veterans Day off and decided to go out of Seoul just a bit to visit the Korean Folk Village.  It actually cost about $35 for the family, which is fine, but most museums and such here are either free or just a couple thousand won (couple of dollars).  It was fantastic, though, kind of like a little Nauvoo with many houses and shrines and working shops to visit.  The kids really liked the jail.

 These are some instruments of discipline.

 "Watch your head" - it was a low door.

 It didn't say what people had to do to earn these punishments.

Kyler exercised some much-needed discipline on Hunter, ha ha.  A group of Korean teenagers or young adults were having a merry time taking turns "disciplining" each other as well.

This guy weaves.  There were other people spinning thread, making baskets, gardening (real gardens), and much more.

 This is a real black smith shop, and this guy was making farm implements.

 This is one loooooong kiln for baking the pottery that artisans make.

We had lunch in one of the restaurants, which was very good.  All the employees in the village wore traditional dress of some sort, such as this lovely Hanbok.

It was a lovely fall day, and we were glad to get out of town and away from the G-20 excitement.

 These guys were fantastic.  A group of about 20 young men danced while making music.  It went on for about half an hour, and they all knew their parts perfectly.  These guys did the main percussion music; others had long ribbons on their head gear which they whipped around in unison while using smaller drums.  Even Tristan was mesmerized for most of it.

 This guy put on quite the show as a tight-rope walker.  He was older, too, which was interesting.  He did a lot of "tricks" up on the rope.

 

The buildings near the village were pretty authentic, including the local 7-11.

 As forecasted, it rained heavily mid afternoon, but we had seen enough by then and were all tired out and ready to go home.